


Lost and Found Soul (you claimed it)

by SlowMercury



Category: Dreaming of Sunshine - Silver Queen
Genre: Beginnings, Found Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29234451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlowMercury/pseuds/SlowMercury
Summary: Haku loses one family and then slowly builds another.
Relationships: Haku & Momochi Zabuza, Haku & Terumi Mei
Comments: 10
Kudos: 174
Collections: Dreaming of Sunshine Exchange 2020 C (Winter Round!), Heliocentrism — a Dreaming of Sunshine recursive collection





	Lost and Found Soul (you claimed it)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JohnBurtonLee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnBurtonLee/gifts).



> Title from bastardized lyrics of Aretha Franklin's "A Natural Woman"
> 
> Some dialogue is taken from the show but tweaked

I.

Haku crouches on a bridge at the edge of the city, where the buildings trail off into the forest.This borderline between the city and the wild is the one of the best places to go unnoticed; it’s not so far into the woods that it’s unusual to see people, but not so close to the city’s wealthy center that Haku gets attention for begging.The only better place than this to hide is the middle of a crowd, and Haku… can’t.He just can’t.Even the advantage of blending with the mob of hungry orphans Mist’s civil war creates isn’t enough for Haku to overcome his fear of being surrounded.He might panic, and… no.No, Haku is staying out of the city crush.

It’s snowing heavily; fat, white flakes blow alternately with tiny spears of ice.Haku’s only clothes are filthy rags now — it was summer when he lost his entire family (by killing them), and he hasn’t had a chance to find clothing more appropriate for winter.It doesn’t matter.Haku hasn’t felt the cold at all since his kekkei genkai appeared, and his dirty rags make people’s eyes skip over him. 

Haku waits for darkness.He plans to rob a food stall he knows isn’t properly locked at night.In the meantime, Haku slips extra snowflakes into the storm, willing them into existence in drifting swirls.It’s beautiful, but it’s also reckless.This skill is what nearly destroyed Haku, what _did_ drive him out of his old village.It got his mother murdered by his father, which led to his father and his father’s friends being killed in turn by Haku.If anyone realizes what Haku’s doing, it will happen all over again.

Haku is not sure he cares. 

Haku entertains himself by making a flurry of ice pellets appear in the shape of a triangle, then transforms them into circles and squares, before he allows the ice to dissipate in the wind.Haku’s quick enough and subtle enough that even if someone was looking right at his snow pictures they might think they’d imagined it.Haku improved his control a lot in the months he’s had this ability, and he was already good enough to massacre a dozen people the day after his bloodline limit manifested.

Regardless, Haku is careful to stop playing with his ice when he notices a man approaching the deserted bridge.Haku doesn’t pay the man too much mind at first, aside from keeping a cautious eye on him — he’s a shinobi, obviously, he’s muscular, carries an enormous sword on his back, and has a palpable aura of seething menace — but this is Mist so that’s not unusual.Dangerous ninja are everywhere, here.The closest thing to safety there is in this country is in being beneath contempt, too pathetic to bother with, and Haku _is_ so that makes Haku as safe now as anyone can get in Mist.

But unexpectedly, as the man walks past, their eyes meet and Haku _sees himself_.This stranger is exactly like Haku: he has the same gnawing emptiness and lonely despair hidden at the core of his being.What’s more… the stranger sees it, too.

“Kid,” the stranger says, “do you want to be needed by someone?”

And Haku _does_ , so he stands up to follow the demon he already knows he will serve for the rest of his life.

“Please feel free to make use of me as you wish, and I will be your weapon,” Haku promises.

The stranger nods in acknowledgment, and Haku falls into step behind him.

II.

Before, Haku’s home was in a rural village.His family was too poor to have paved floors, but somehow there was always enough to go around.When his father’s harvest was too lean or his mother’s foraging and fishing came up empty, the neighbors chipped in with whatever they could spare and somehow no one starved. 

When he thinks back to a lifetime ago, Haku remembers how his mother sang him to sleep every night, and how his father’s laughter could rattle the walls.Haku dreamed of having a little sister to spoil, someone he could show off to his friends, like the miller’s son who never stopped bragging about his three younger sisters.Everything he recalls from before is full of light and life. 

Haku is _still_ shocked at how quickly and absolutely the idyllic facade tore off to reveal that, of his loved ones, only his mother valued him enough not to turn on him the moment he became inconvenient.

If it was truly that easy for everyone he knew to decide the world would be a better place without him in it, they must not have loved him that much to begin with.Haku had just failed to understand that the affection they had given him was only superficial.

Haku’s life now bears no resemblance to the life Haku lost.Instead of remaining isolated in a provincial village, Haku shadows Master Zabuza as Master Zabuza fights and assassinates their way across the continent.Instead of training to be a farmer, Haku learns everything he can about being shinobi so that he can become the best possible tool for Master Zabuza.

Master Zabuza is a stern taskmaster who has no patience for failure; he rarely offers praise or encouragement.He’s a surprisingly good teacher, though, giving Haku concise explanations and clear instructions for the various ninja techniques that Master Zabuza has decided that Haku should know.Haku soaks it all up … _not_ as if his life depends on it.Haku already knows how little his life is worth to others.So he soaks up his ninja lessons like Haku’s place in the world depends on it. 

Fortunately, Haku’s mother gave him a grounding in hunting and basic woodcraft before her death, and his kekkai genkai allows Haku to cheat when aiming his senbon as long as Haku crafts the needles out of ice.Haku improves by leaps and bounds, and he treasures every approving grunt that Master Zabuza grants him.

Haku is so much better off now than he was in his old life.Master Zabuza may be a murderer, he may be harsh and unforgiving, but Master Zabuza does not hide it.He never offered, implicitly or explicitly, to care about Haku — all he offered Haku was the chance to not be alone, to be worth something.Master Zabuza gave Haku a purpose, and if that purpose isn’t a kind one it is an entirely honest one.

Haku is Master Zabuza’s tool, not his friend.When Zabuza uses Haku up and throws him away in the pursuit of his goals, it will not be a shock or a betrayal the way it was when Haku’s father turned against their family.When Master Zabuza sends Haku to his death, it will not be because Master Zabuza broke faith with him, it will be because Haku is more useful dead than alive. 

When that time comes, Haku will fulfill his purpose and maintain their bargain.

III.

“Here,” Master Zabuza says, thrusting a squirming bundle into Haku’s chest.

Haku scrambles and manages to grab whatever it is just before Master Zabuza drops it and wanders off towards the fire.There’s soft fur in his hands, and Haku peers down into the upturned face of a beautifully snowy-white rabbit.

“What is this, master?” Haku asks in blank confusion.

“A rabbit,” Master Zabuza says unhelpfully.

“Why did you hand it to me?” Haku presses.

“It’s extra rations,” Master Zabuza says.“It’s your job to look after it until it’s time to eat it.”

This explanation is patently nonsense.Haku and Master Zabuza buy their food supplies in the towns they pass through; if they run low, Haku hunts for fresh meat or forages for edible plants.They have never needed to bring livestock along on their travels.

Last time they passed through a town, Haku saw children playing with a pet bunny.They looked like they were having fun, and Haku felt a pang of envy for their uncomplicated joy.He must have stared too long, and Master Zabuza caught him.

“I see,” Haku says, ducking his head to hide his smile.“I will do my best.”

No matter how hungry they get, no matter how large the rabbit grows under Haku’s care or how long it’s been since they last had fresh meat, Master Zabuza never suggests that it’s time to eat the bunny.

IV.

They lose one fight and win the second on a partially constructed bridge in Wave Country.Haku’d always known that he would die for Master Zabuza without regret, but… Haku had not believed he would fail at his purpose as Master Zabuza’s tool and then survive.

They don’t exactly limp away from the bridge after their conversation with the Leaf ninja, but it’s at least partly because finely honed instincts refuse to allow them to show weakness like that, no matter how friendly and likable Team Seven is.Master Zabuza scraped by with only bruises from his latest face off with Kakashi, but he’s still recovering from their first confrontation a week ago, and although Haku avoided any broken bones or ruptured organs, Naruto nearly beat him to death before hostilities ceased.

In spite of this defeat, Master Zabuza doesn’t seem angry.Actually, he seems even calmer than his normal baseline of constant irritation.Haku himself feels quietly pleased — Team Seven’s kunoichi has given him a remarkable gift: she gave him a factual interpretation of events that could mean that Master Zabuza cares for him beyond his utility as a weapon.Although Haku doubts that the girl is correct, just the theory sparks a glimmer of warmth in Haku’s heart. 

By the time Haku and Master Zabuza finally return to their current hideout, they’re moving slowly and stiffly.Haku ushers Master Zabuza over to a seat, then starts to root through his medic pack for supplies to patch up the injuries they’ve been ignoring. 

Haku is taken by surprise when Master Zabuza grabs his arm gently.Master Zabuza isn’t wearing his normal scowl; his face is serious and oddly intent as his eyes sweep over Haku’s frame.Haku doesn’t know what Master Zabuza is searching for, but he doesn’t seem to find it.

“Haku,” Master Zabuza says, “did I really hear you try to provoke a Leaf nin into killing you because you lost a fight _once?_ ”

Haku had hoped they wouldn’t talk about this.

“I failed you,” Haku admits, “and I can’t, I can’t—”He doesn’t know how to finish that sentence.Everything that Haku is exists to support Master Zabuza.If Master Zabuza ever decides he doesn’t want Haku around anymore…Haku would definitely rather be dead than disappoint his teacher.

“That’s stupid,” Master Zabuza says bluntly.“We’re no worse off now than if we’d won against Kakashi and his brats.We might even be better off, because they choose to back us up when Gato sold us out.”He snorts.“Besides, everyone fucks up eventually.Most of the time, that’s the end but sometimes, if you’re lucky, after your defeat you get another chance.”

Haku stares at Master Zabuza, wide-eyed.“…Really?” he asks.

Master Zabuza looks back, still without his customary frown.“I lost the most important fight of my life, Haku,” he says matter of factly.“I was chased out of my own village, a missing nin with only the sword Kubikiribōchō and the clothes on my back, and I still haven’t given up on my goals.

“So I don’t want to hear that kind of defeatist bullshit from you ever again, do you understand me?”

“Yes, Master Zabuza,” Haku says, folding into a deep bow in order to convey his sincerity.“Master, I am sorry for what I did.”

Master Zabuza glares down at Haku’s prone form.This time when his eyes pass over Haku he does find what he’s searching for, because his mouth relaxes into its customary glower. 

Haku straightens up from the bow with a silent breath of relief.

That Leaf kunoichi was correct after all, and Haku made a fundamental mistake.Now that he recognizes the problem, Haku will likely have to work harder than ever before in order to fix it.

For years, ever since he met Master Zabuza’s eyes for the first time, Haku has known that he and Master Zabuza are _exactly_ the same.It’s why Haku accepted when Master Zabuza offered Haku a place by his side.Haku strove to craft himself into the perfect tool for Master Zabuza’s needs, and right up until today, Haku’s service was flawless. 

But Haku doesn’t follow Master Zabuza only because they are alike and Haku needs to be useful to someone.He follows Master Zabuza because Haku respects and treasures Zabuza as a person, and because Haku doesn’t want to be alone.

What Haku didn’t recognize before is that, just as Haku is like Master Zabuza, Master Zabuza is like _Haku_. 

If Haku had died, he would have left Master Zabuza alone.Haku had not considered how that abandonment might hurt his master because he had not previously considered that he could matter to Master Zabuza as a person instead of solely as a weapon.

Haku will take better care going forward.

V.

Haku meets Mei Terumi’s eyes calmly.This is the first time the two of them have been alone since Mei killed Yagura and became the Godaime Mizukage.

Haku can’t read Mei.He definitely respects her, and not only as a kage level warrior — she managed to conceal not one but _two_ kekkai genkai well enough to avoid Kiri’s notorious bloodline purges.She spearheaded a successful coup and, when Mei won, she managed to prevent Kirigakure from devolving into further violence.She is rebuilding Kiri’s infrastructure after decades of civil war, and taking steps to reopen trade.Mei’s overhauling Kiri’s orphanages and group homes; already Haku sees fewer starving children begging on the streets.

So, Mei is clearly an intelligent and effective woman who is blazing her way through making many positive changes in Kiri.

Haku just isn’t sure that she will be a positive influence on Zabuza.She has made romantic overtures to Haku’s master, and Haku is not at all sure he approves, at least in part because Haku doesn’t know what _drives_ Mei.Is she power hungry?Is it simple altruism?Did she simply want to help her clans survive the bloodline purges?Is she like Zabuza, infuriated by the waste and inefficiency of the prior regime?

“It is so nice to finally get the chance to get to speak with you,” Mei says sweetly.Her smile is perfect, and it could be concealing _anything_ behind it.She’s gorgeous, too, which might be part of the problem.

“It is my honor, Lady Mei,” Haku says, mirroring back a smile just as sweet as the mizukage’s.“Please accept my congratulations on your new position.”

“Thank you,” Mei says graciously, “but I could not have done it without your and Zabuza’s assistance.Our victory in Kiri is owed to your own efforts."

Haku demurs, and they trade humble courtesies back and forth a few more times as they continue to feel each other out.Mei’s manners are as perfect as the rest of her facade, but Haku can match her on at least this playing field.So far, neither one of them has gained an advantage.

Mei is the first to bring up an issue of real substance.“Please,” she says, “tell me how you and your teacher are doing, settling into Kirigakure.You have been on the road for several years now.”

“It is a notable change,” Haku agrees.“But Master Zabuza had always planned on on returning here, so we are settling in well.People have been very kind to us during this transition.”

“Yes,” Mei says, her smile growing sharp and real for the first time.“There are certainly many prominent ninja who are delighted to welcome Zabuza home and would be overjoyed to see him restored to prominence in our village.” 

There are those who wish to see Master Zabuza as the mizukage instead of Mei, she means.

“I see,” Haku replies, allowing his own perfect smile to fade in response.“Is this, then, why you have decided to pursue Master Zabuza romantically?Using his reputation as the Demon of the Hidden Mist to support your own could greatly stabilize your power block.”

“In part,” Mei says.“It is true that if Zabuza were to back me, a great many things would become substantially easier.”

“That,” Haku says precisely, “is not a good enough reason for me to allow you to court him.Master Zabuza is a loyal ninja of Kirigakure, and he will do whatever is best for his country.But he is more than simply a tool.He is also a person, and he deserves a chance at happiness, too.I do not think a purely political match with you would be in Master Zabuza’s best interests.”

“I said it was politically motivated _in part_ ,” Mei says.“I also like him.He’s very handsome — he’s got some of the best arms I’ve ever seen.All that sword-swinging has been very good for him.”Her smile resembles a satisfied cat’s, before her expression turns serious.“But I have worked with him through the Mist Rebellion for years.Although we didn’t meet face to face, I learned that Zabuza is smart, stubborn and loyal to a fault.He isn’t remotely intimidated or frightened by me.All of these things are traits I greatly admire.I want the opportunity to earn the love of a man like that.”

Haku sits in silence, weighing the words of the woman across from him.Mei resumes her bland smile but seems content to wait for Haku’s decision.

“Master Zabuza likes to do katas alone at sunrise in Training Ground 44,” Haku tells Mei.“He never remembers to pack himself a breakfast, and he usually takes his shirt off.”

VI.

“I found you two more students,” Mei tells Zabuza smugly.Her hands are resting on the shoulders of tiny, identical girls, maybe seven or eight years old.The girls wear beaming smiles and blue shirts a size too large for them.They look ready to vibrate out of Mei’s grip from sheer excitement.

“This is Yoro, and this is Shiku,” Mei continues. 

“Yoroshiku!” the girls chorus in agreement.

Haku falls in love instantly.Out of the corner of his eye, Master Zabuza is making his _ew, what is that?_ scowl, which means Master Zabuza is not as charmed as Haku is.He’s definitely going to try to weasel out of teaching them.

Haku already knows Mei and the girls are going to win this one.


End file.
